Wednesday, December 31, 2014

A Love Hate Relationship With New Year's Eve

Wow. It's the last day of 2014. While some folks are scurrying around in preparation for a monumental evening of celebratory food and drink, I'm sitting at my desk. In lounge clothes. Debating on whether I should pour my first glass of wine now or wait a few more hours. I'm at the point of complete indecisiveness. Should I continue to sit at my desk and fight a mild case of writer's block or get off my ass and organize the kitchen drawers...a task I've been meaning to get to for months now. My goal is to free up a drawer to store cookie biscuit cutters.

Currently, my vast selection is stored in a plastic Sterilite container. 

I'm fighting the urge to do what so many are doing now...getting caught up in a whirlwind of all things reflective. It's what I've been doing for the past couple of weeks and my brain needs a break. I've been gazing at my news feed and have read more than enough redundant wishes for a New Year filled with love, health, happiness and wealth. Really?! The mindset seems to be somewhere between "lets get this out of the way before the festivities" and "I'm typing this because it's expected." Gahhh! Enough already! We get it.

I look forward to the updates that will surface as the evening progresses. Nothing is more amusing than epiphanies that surface during a state of intoxication. Raw honesty. I like that.

Quite honestly, I have a love hate relationship with New Years Eve. While some may view my opinion as cynical, I embrace it. I tend to be more realistic about it. Too many times in the past I have walked the path of shame. You know the one I'm talking about. It happens anywhere between 2 weeks to a month after the first of the year when the willpower starts to crack and crumble. The new piece of exercise equipment becomes a catch all for coats and towels. The first cigarette is lit after a 2 week hiatus from nicotine. The plates of salad and meat are traded in for bread and pancakes. You know where I'm going with this?

I think we set the bar too high and it all starts with a jaded idealism that we're going to make this miraculous transformation between 11:59 pm and midnight. Realistically, we're the same people when the evening of festivities ends. There is no clean slate or a blank "365 page book to fill." We are the same person, in the same place, living the same life January 1st as we were on December 31st.

For me, the transition from 2014 to 2015 translates to several things. I'm older. Wiser. Over the past year, I have shifted my focus. There have been quite a few transformations, the biggest happening back in May. Like with each year of my life, all 41 of them, I have encountered a copious amount of experiences, trials and tribulations, emotional roller coasters, and, on occasion, have hit rock bottom. People have come and gone. Some have stayed. I've made mistakes. Some once. Others twice. Each and every single year contributes to where I am and who I am in the here and now.

For most who sit down, write out resolutions, and walk away...well, you've already started the process of failing. Having goals takes so much more than writing them out. It's probably safe to say some of those resolutions are duplicates from years prior. What I've learned is that you need to take a good hard look at the year gone by, three years ago, five years ago...and give some hard-core thought to why you're at where you are today. Why you're the person you are today. What got you to the here and now. That takes a bit of time. More than a day. Sometimes more than a week.

Then, take a look at each resolution. What do you need to do to achieve those? Are there changes you need to make in the journey from point A to point B? Sometimes, you need to make changes around you. Are you able to do that? Why did you fail in the past? What made you succeed? Ask yourself the tough questions. Stand in front of the mirror if you have to and ask yourself, "WHY?!?!"

And yes, this is something I do periodically throughout the year. I like to refer to it as "putting myself in check." I take a step back and view what I'm doing and how I'm going about it through the eyes of anyone but myself. You can learn a lot when you acquire the fine art of being able to walk outside and view the happenings through an opened window.

I have no resolutions for 2015. And, that's okay. What I am going to do is take everything that's happened in 2014, 2013, 2012, etc and learn from it. Put things in perspective. Confront the negative a bit stronger this time around. Hold my head a little higher. Sever ties with toxic people with less hesitation. Trust my gut instinct more. Make a deeper imprint on this crazy world. Spread more biscuit love than we did in 2014. Make more of a difference. Surprise myself. Write more freely. Have more confidence in my decisions. Care less about what others think of me. Publish a book. Speak louder when being the voice of the voiceless. Etc.

All any of us has is right NOW. THIS moment. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I've learned that if you sit around and wait "for the right moment" you're just wasting your time. Do what you can do, where you're at with what you have...NOW! Leave your mark. Let the fire in you burn brighter than the fire around you. Embrace your madness and chaos. Create something beautiful. Just. Be. You. Walk the path you're meant to be on...not the one others have paved for you. And more so, be kind to one another.

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